Archive for the ‘Blakk Frogg Speaks’ Category

Admitting the Truth Really Helps

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

TONS of self-help books out there harp on the fact that many among us live in alternate (fake) realities and for that reason have great difficulties interacting with other people. Personally, Blakk Frogg thinks more people need to heed the advice in the image below… ‘cuz he took the advice to heart a long time ago and people LOVE him now. (not!)

Step One: Admit You're an Asshole!

Actually, more people loathe and detest Blakk Frogg since he ‘took the first step’… and for some odd reason he does not care. Hmmm….

Are YOU a Douchebag, Too?

Friday, April 6th, 2012

Take the do-it-yourself, home version of the ‘Are You a Douchebag Test’ today. Step 1 — Look at the picture & study its details. Step 2 — Look in the mirror. Step 3 — Determine the number of similarities between yourself and the guy in the picture. Step 4 — If number of similarities exceeds ’1′, kill yourself immediately.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

You’re Not a Loser…

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

Every once in a while we all need to hear a few positive words of encouragement to help us get through the day. Well, it just so happens that Blakk Frogg some very positive, uplifting words for MOST of you today:

At Least You’re Not a Fucking Loser… Like These People.

Americas Best MySpace Attitude Comments

For the rest of you, though, I see you trying to hide in the background while you dry hump your favorite hand-drawn cartoon chick on a pillow!

True Love Lasts… FOREVER

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

If you ever wondered what the most beautiful picture of True, Everlasting Love looked like, well, Blakk Frogg thinks he may have found it:

image of true, everlasting love
What Does Everlasting Love REALLY Look Like?

Blakk Frogg says, “If you must die during a moment of passion, and not one by yourself, have the courtesy to let the other person get on top first!”

Laughing at Other People’s Farts

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

While some of you may have looked at the title of this post and thought, “Oh, Frogg, that’s ridiculous! Why would a grown man or woman ever DO such a thing?!?”

Frogg’s answer: Because, as George Carlin (RIP) said, “FARTS ARE FUNNY!”

At least the sounds associated with them. The noxious, repulsive, toxic, and occasionally suffocating odors associated with them on the other hand, no one with a sense of smell laughs at THOSE.

No Laughing at Other People’s Farts?

So the next time some old man rips a dinosaur blast two stalls down, do not hesitate to laugh. Just remember that the more you laugh, the more air tainted with fossil fart fumes you will have to take in immediately afterward.

Thinking About Your Ex

Monday, March 19th, 2012

As we get older thoughts about our past ex-lovers almost always cross our minds and sometimes we find ourselves staring in the mirror at ourselves and asking, “Seriously? Why in the HELL did I ever date THAT bitch/bastard?!?!?”

Then, like a bolt of lightning up our ass, we realize just how wasted we got for every waking moment of the relationship. Beer after beer, shot after shot, and ‘questionable substance’ after ‘questionable substance’.

Without a doubt we could have avoided those unsavory tramps and assholes if we had used our brains… relied on common sense… laid off the hooch… put down the fifth… didn’t inhale… and more or less ‘just said NO!’

Wife Wishes for a Hot Husband… and Gets One

Saturday, March 17th, 2012

The tradition of the Birthday Boy of Girl making a wish while blowing out the candles has always bothered Blakk Frogg… because while the person blew out the candles he found himself making a wish at the same time.

Blakk Frogg wished (and hoped) the person didn’t tuberculosis or some other health-related issue communicable through saliva.

“What piece of cake would you like?” asked the Birthday Boy/Girl. “One with the least amount of spittle on it, please,” replied Blakk Frogg.

Getting to the point of this posting, though, when making a wish over birthday candles like the wife in the picture below, be careful what you wish for!

wife wishes for a hot husband

Pop Quiz: Who remembers the Wishmaster series of movies?

iPod Etiquette Lessons

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

With so many people listing to iPods or other devices that make use of headphones it comes as no surprise to Blakk Frogg that a few people need reminders about things they ought not do while enjoying music (or the soundtrack from their favorite porno) through their headphones.

Lesson #1 – Stop screaming, you jackass! You may not have the ability to hear anything, including yourself, over the music but we can hear you just fine!

iPood Button

Lesson #2 – Stop singing along, you moron! You cannot POSSIBLY hear yourself singing when you have the volume cranked up to 100 while using headphones but we surely can!

Lesson #3 – Turn the damn volume down, you deaf bastard! Listening to music that loud destroys your hearing and means next time you’ll need to turn it up even louder! Oh, and by the way: Nobody but YOU enjoys that crap you listen to!

Lesson #4 – Headphones may stop you from hearing your own farts but the rest of us CAN hear them, ya’ no class gas bag!

Things That Leave Me Speechless

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

Few things in this world can silence Blakk Frogg but every once in a while he gazes upon a sight that takes his breath away and makes him question the very reasoning why he has not already blown his brains out.

These two circus freaks drove Blakk Frogg to that point.

How to Look Like a Male Fashion Model

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Although Blakk Frogg has no desire to look like a trendy jackass, many guys in this world do… so Blakk Frogg would like to give you a helpful hint if you want to look fashionable, trendy, sexy and (rico) suave: “Act like you just shit your pants.”